1000 gifts

It's been a while again hasn't it?

well, I'm never really sure how to begin again after an unannounced hiatus from the old blog, so I'll just dive right in. After months of being far too busy to read, I decided that I would venture into the library and immerse myself in a book that would bring me joy whilst reading it.

Would you believe that the first one I picked out was '1000 gifts - a dare to live fully right where you are.'
The book that nudges you to compile a list of 1000 little blessings in your life.

How perfect was that?

I started reading it just this week and to say it is speaking to me is a bit of an understatement. I'm at a time in my life where I'm doing a lot of processing- learning to handle parenting issues that I've never dealt with before, adjusting to being a divorcee, being a working mama and trying to launch a writing career and generally trying to keep all of the various plates spinning without burning out. So, to have a book practically yell at me to just take some time to pause and be grateful has been incredible.

Reading has often been medicine to me, and what others refer to as escapism, I simply denote as learning. You can't read a book and learn absolutely nothing, whether it's a new word, a life lesson, or even a self truth, books are notorious for stirring up your emotions and then softly soothing them again.

1. The smell of old books
2. The glow of a lamp in a darkened room
3. An old blanket

I try so hard not to complain, but in all honesty, sometimes I just do, because I'd forgotten to be grateful. Gratitude is a lesson, that means that you have to learn it over and over again before it becomes second nature, it's like love, you have to choose it consciously above anything else. What about when the children are running around the house screaming and shrieking and you're on countdown until bed time just so that you can hear your own thoughts? You have to choose love over selfishness, love over brashness and love over pride. Or, how about when your love snaps at you? You want to snap back, really, everything within you wants to retort back- you've even got a brilliant one liner quip all lined up on your tongue, but you choose love instead, and you know what will happen? The row that would have escalated quickly is completely diffused as you take a deep breath and say nothing.

4. fingerprints on windows
5. drawings of mammy by a 5yr old
6. warm drinks at bedtime

More and more I am realising that how we react to the situations we find ourselves in, is a choice. And, when you choose gratitude over attitude, your circumstances will be better, perhaps not instantly, but some day.

I'd gotten a few chapters in when I read this:

'Maybe you don't want a different story, because you don't know what a different end holds.'

And it stirred something so deep within me that I couldn't help but read that phrase over and over again. Isn't that just the truth? Even when we are fully in the throes of wondering what on Earth is going on in life, would we really want it any differently? Really?

I had an RTA and turned my head to look right to overcompensate for not being able to see that way, but would I really want to be any different simply to have avoided a miniscule bump? Would I trade lack of vision for the unknown? Would I rather have risked having a different impairment? No, of course not, so why was I lamenting over it?

7. an inquisitive mind
8. running at the gym

It's a slow process, but the more I jot down things that I love in my life, the more I appreciate how good I really have got it. The book is based around the word 'eucharisteo' which broken down literally means 'grace, thanks, joy' or 'gift, thanks, joy' Perhaps that's why after you recognise the gift and appreciate the gift, you're left feeling lighter, more optimistic somehow, perhaps Ann Voskamp is right, this is the way to uncovering joy.

After situations in your life leave you weakened and a little bit battered, it seems the only lasting way to regain your joy is to be thankful for what you have, because as the saying goes 'there's someone in the world who is happy with less than you have.'

9. silence
10. The hoot of an owl

She learnt a new song

Scarlette was in the back of the car whilst we were driving to pick Ben up, this was how she told me about the new song she had learnt at nursery.

Scarlette: mammy, I learnt the rubber dubber song aday!

Me: did you babe? Sing it for mammy.

Scarlette: yep okay, it goes:

Old mubber Hubbard went to the cupboard,

To get her poor gog (dog) a bone.

But, when she got there... There was a ... BEAR!!! 

So the poor little gog had none!

Hysterical.

Then she proceeded to tell me about the pet she met and stroked...

S: it was so cute mammy it was like a piglet that was a goat!

Which by the way transpired to be a guinea pig. Seriously, I could eat her up.

Kindness elf

The girls and I have been so excited for the start of advent, so this morning everyone started out the day on a real happy note. I'm not sure whether it's the anticipation of Christmas, or the fact they get to eat chocolate every morning when they open their advent calenders that makes them so, but I love seeing their little eyes light up. This week we have been talking about how Christmas is the perfect time to spread happiness and be kind to people, and when I asked them how they could show kindness, they came up with some great ideas, they included:

- Play with somebody who is lonely on the play yard
- Make a drawing or card to thank their teachers
- Giving a homeless person a blanket
- Sharing their sweets or chocolates
-Praying for the children who don't have mummys and daddys

Seriously, when they kept coming up with super generous ideas, it kind of blew me away. I thanked the good Lord, that perhaps I'm doing an alright job at this parenting lark, and told them that this month we were going to do those things.

I've been thinking of ways to get the girls to re-focus on their ideas during this exciting season where sometimes commercialism and 'wants' can get in the way of real needs. At first I thought we could make a jar and have one of them pick out a good deed each day, but then I saw a post on facebook in reference to 'the kindness elf' - it's an elf on the shelf alternative, and I think it is THE best idea for children to realise the true meaning of Christmas.

Today we said prayers for the children in the world who don't have mammys and daddys and my middle Princess piped up 'and please give those children nice warm homes and everything that they need for a great Christmas' and I about welled up.  I so hope that they remember these fundamentals not just at Christmas, but all year round. Teaching them to have an attitude of gratitude is high on my list of priorities as a mama, and as a person. Sometimes I can be all too quick to complain about something that isn't quite going my way, like the fact I did an entire re-stock of my freezer, only to come home to find my freezer was dead. True Story. If it was acceptable for grown ups to throw a tantrum, I think I most definitely would have, but really I should have been grateful that I had the money in my account to shop, and a home to come home to.

Tomorrow I am heading to Tiger to buy a little kindness elf who will 'write' notes to my girls each night reminding them of a good deed they could try and do that day. I'm so looking forward to starting this new tradition!

By the way, tomorrow is Giving Tuesday so, get involved, do something kind for someone for no reason at all, and don't forget to spread the word!

And then it rained, and rained, and rained

It has been pouring with rain for about a hundred days. Okay maybe just three days but it seems like so much longer! The drainage on my drive isn't great and so if I have to go ANYWHERE then my footwear default is set to 'wellies'- anything else gets sodden with sludgy leaves and soaked through from puddles. And I am done with ruining shoes since I've figured out how expensive my taste seems to be.So I've worn wellies for a hundred days and I am okay with that.

Except, that when I come home and take them off, my legs are aching like crazy. So much so that my thighs and shins think it's been leg day at the gym all week. Which is great, except that I haven't visited the gym this week, (I know, don't judge.)

So I finally think I understand how the people, who constantly wince when I wear heels, feel. Ouch. All the flat shoe wearing is a bit of a shock to the system!

My porch also seems to collect water, as when I opened the door to let cookie out around a pint of water fell in through the door and soaked my very cool elf slippers.

All this to say. I'm over all this rain.

Traditions to prepare for Christmas

It's nearly 'the most wonderful time of the year' again, and I can barely contain my excitement. I love, and have always loved, anything remotely to do with Christmas time. I'm the sort of girl who listens to her festive Michel Buble CD in October, and watches 'The Holiday' at least once a week from November. It is just all too exciting, and lovely and, well just wonderful. So to mark this amazing time of year descending upon us again, I thought I'd share some of my favourite Christmas traditions that I started with my wonderful kiddos.

  1. We go to see our town's Christmas light switch on, which is usually around mid November. The kids get a hot chocolate from starbucks and Mama gets a peppermint mocha or a Toffee Nut Latte and we are like a little red cup family, it's so fun to take a picture because Scarlette usually requests a caramel babycinno so the picture shows a very BIG cup (mine) two small cups (the big girls') and a teeny tiny cup (Scarlette's) it's like the three bears but cuter, because let's be honest, coffee is way better than porridge. We also have to wear scarves, hats and gloves (or mittens!) to said town because it is cold around these parts. I love to take a picture of the girls looking all wintery next to the big tree all lit up and splendid.

  2. We write a letter to Santa
I've never struggled with the Santa V Jesus debate that lots of Christian hosueholds seem to have, my girls know that Jesus is the entire reason we have Christmas, but Santa is a little fun that I like to encourage and indulge in. The girls write their wish lists and tell Santa how good they have been, and then they usually get a video response from the big man himself - I use the portable North Pole website, because it is realistic and magical. I sometimes also send myself one of those videos too, and usually Santa places me on the good list which is just brilliant. The Kids also post a letter to Santa, and as long as he receives it by December 6th, the kids get a personalised letter mailed back to them by the lovely folk at the Royal Mail North Pole.
 
3. I decorate the house on December 1st
Every year, on December 1st, after the kids are asleep, I set to work on decorating our home for christmas. I have a slight OCD about my Christmas tree which has to be decorated symmetrically on all sides and must have a new colour theme every two to three years. Last year it was red and gold, but this year it will be black and old gold, as I'm trying a more sophisticated twist. I will of course always include the kids' ornaments, and any baubles with sentimental value in every years display. I also set the nativity scene up complete except for baby Jesus, who appears in the manger on Christmas morning. The mantels get decorated too and a tree is placed in each window at the front of the door. Finally I add a wreath to our front door and buy a poinsetta plant. When the kids wake up, I take a sneaky snap whilst they are marvelling at the tree, which usually is the photo I use for our christmas cards.

 4. We have a girls only movie night
We started this one last year when we were an all-girl household for the first time at Christmas. I settled my youngest to bed after a festive fairy tale and then sat down with my oldest two to watch 'Elf' and drink mulled wine (me) and Hot cocoa (them) and eat a Terry's Chocolate Orange together, all snuggled under a big quilt. I also put the fire on and light some Christmas candles, then I turn out the lights and we have a cosy cwtch up.

  5. We make paper chains
Every year I try to involve the kids in some christmas crafts and every year I almost have a breakdown because of the mess that follows it.( Think reindeer cards made out of brown footprints of a 1yr old, a 4yr old and a 5yr old.) Paper Chains is one craft that everyone seems to enjoy that is almost completely mess-free! It also helps to make the kids bedrooms feel more festive too.

  6. We address Christmas Cards and then deliver them
We set up a little writing station of gold pens, red pens and christmas cards and then get to work writing out hand penned notes inside them. After we are through, we bundle into the car to deliver them to local friends and neighbours, and the children get to see the lights of nearby houses at the same time. (It also saves money on posting them with stamps!)

7. We go to my old school choir carol service.
Each Year my old high school hosts a carol concert at a church near my mum's house,I think it's super fun to go and see my ex teachers and support the school at the same time. We dress warmly since the church is old and very cold, and then we sing carols and follow it up with a mince pie afterwards.

 8. My mama and I head off for an overnight girls trip to a city in England
This is one of my favourite traditions. Ever since I got my first full time job, my mother and I have headed to Birmingham to do some Christmas shopping. We browse the handmade fare at the christmas market chalets and we shop til our feet can't take another step. We also enjoy a Nando's and far too many starbucks. We spend a night at a hotel and come home excited to see our people and wrap the gifts we bought. Quality mother and daughter time is the best!

Look out for Part 2 - traditions for Christmas Eve, coming soon!

A picture roundup

It's been a while since I've posted, mainly because I got sick and doctors had to put me on nerve meds to ease the pain and discomfort. Since it's gone nine and I just took them, I'm afraid a coherent post is pretty much out of the question, so let's do a little catch up in pictures...

Before I got ill, my little brother came to town and we went for a little brother/sister bonding session, which almost always includes Starbucks, shopping and a visit to Nando's, this time was no exception.

Watching the 'Great British Bake Off' always makes me bake something high in calories, but I impressed myself when I perfect a rhubarb and ginger crumble with vanilla ice cream. Yes, Mary Berry, it 'crunched' and didn't go soggy. Score.

My drive got super pretty all sprinkled with gold and yellow leaves, so much so I walked the dog in the rain, several times.

I found MINT m&ms in a bargain shop for 69p a packet. I bought two packs, but regretted my self control far I tasted just how amazingly good they are.

My middle girly turned SIX and I threw a frozen themed party for her. It was of course fancy dress and mama got in on the act too. Mama also got out of tidying the post party chaos because of aforementioned headaches.

I've never felt so cherished. Honestly. Being a mama is hard, but being a poorly mama is just plain rough. Unexpected bunches of flowers, chocolates for no reason and not having to fix dinner some nights has just blessed my socks off.

I got to cwtch baby Zakk to sleep, and smell his hair. And I was in my element. He is just too adorable to even describe.

The weather has turned really cold now so there's been plenty of snuggling on the sofa with my little loves

The D word

I don't know what it is about November that makes me evaluate the year, maybe it's the prospect of another New Years Eve appearing on the horizon, or maybe it's because with the anniversary of losing the man against which I measured all men, I am reminded how fragile life is. Losing my Grandad was a bitter pill to swallow. That's the selfish streak in me, I know that he is having an absolute ball where he is now, but what I would give for one last mix tape of crazy war time songs!

I had high expectations of 2014, and I wanted it to end neatly, all topped off with a satin ribbon, but reality has a way of dashing picturesque notions. Last year my world caved in, and I was determined that this year I would walk all over destruction, devastation and disillusion in a pair of four inch heels. For the most part I did, and then I got sick with shingles and those heels got slung into a cupboard because dizzy spells rendered them useless. A doctor told me I had shingles a few months back, then a subsequent doctor told me I needed nerve medicine for neuralgia, then I collapsed in Starbucks.

Ya, that actually happened. And, quite frankly it was mortifying. The store could not have been busier if it tried! So anyway, yet another doctor prescribed more pain meds, but still the stabbing pains in my head would continue. When I saw another doctor, I welled up with panic at what on a earth could be causing horrific slicing through my scalp for more than two months. I told him I thought it might be something more sinister, and he spoke softly, looked me square in the eye and said ' I'm not concerned it is anything sinister. What you are experiencing is a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of stress.'

And I could have hugged that doctor right there and then. He adjusted my meds and I physically felt some tension leave my body as I walked out of his office.

But, oh my goodness does the medication make me drowsy and woozy. Now I am taking the nerve meds just at night time, so if you text me after 9pm, don't be thinking you'll get a reply because let's just say that sleep comes really easy now!

You'd be forgiven for thinking that I'm just about to wrap this up, but that was just a prelude. Now it's about to get real.

Last year my soon to be ex-husband broke my heart and my world. He left us for good, drove away not to return. And as I dried the tears of my sobbing children whispering 'it'll be okay, it'll all be alright' in between chest heaving sobs of my own, I wondered deep down whether it would ever be alright ever again.

By grace alone we got through that horrible season and as I pieced together their worlds the best I could, I discovered that even though hearts are fragile, love is not. There's nothing I wouldn't have done for those girls to ease their sadness and clarify their confusion. I loved them so fiercely through those months that if anything threw them off or saddened them, my angry mama bear instinct flared up every time. 

And now that the D word is upon us, we have normalised in the only way we know how. It's closure of the saddest time, and hope for a brighter future.

I have felt the lavishness of grace and I have walked the mountain top and the valley, and I am thankful for both. It's so comforting when you come to the realisation that ALL things work together for good to those that love The Lord.